Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
