i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
When did angry sex become our thing?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize