p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
