Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
