doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
