I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
