the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
