Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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