okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
