i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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