I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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