96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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