She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
