Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
