i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
