oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize