He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
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You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
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If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
How drunk are you?
Completed.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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