are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
