he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
