i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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