is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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