Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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