i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My dick has a subreddit
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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