there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
