Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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