You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
