and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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