she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
