I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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