he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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