we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
