feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
