if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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