so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize