We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
