I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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