She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
