I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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