You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
