so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
