There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
