me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
