I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize