I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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