I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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