I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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