I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
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That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
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I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize