I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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