"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
