Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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