Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
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