You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
