i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
