she looked like the before picture.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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