Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
