we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
