If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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