It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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