im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
