the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
