I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
