Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
