Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just puked most of my soul out..
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