and she was petting her beer can
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
