New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
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Is it penis luge time yet?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
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Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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