A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
