Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
