I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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